


Flying Without A Parachute

by ferowyn



Series: Unheard Of Pairing [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferowyn/pseuds/ferowyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Padma lives her life carefully choosing everything so that she will not have to regret it.<br/>With Alicia, however, there is no time to think things through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flying Without A Parachute

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the **Unheard Of Pairing Challenge** on FFN: http://www.fanfiction.net/topic/44309/91040335/1/The-Unheard-Of-Pairing-Challenge-ALWAYS-OPEN-NO-DUE-DATE  
>  Prompt: A spell. _Accio_.
> 
> Yes, I do like writing about regrets O.o
> 
> Please enjoy.

### Flying Without A Parachute

Padma is staring at the motionless figure in the small, too-white hospital bed. You may find me worrying here, for I have never seen her that insecure before, that… lost.

She obviously cannot take her eyes off of the too-pale skin, the too-dull hair, the too-thin form, and she is wondering what has happened that has caused her to be here, in this place, with those feelings rushing through your veins. And she cannot help but think that this _is_ what happens if you allow yourself to be emotionally involved with, to _fall_ for a Gryffindor.

Because she knows.

The difference between Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, I mean. After all, she sees it every day. Her sister and her had always been very close, enjoying the perks of looking completely alike, however – they had also always thought differently. On everything. Although they do not quarrel over it, those two are very different in personality.

So while Parvati has always been someone to run headlong into problems and fighting herself back out of them with the bravery and fierceness of a lioness, Padma has not once done something without properly thinking it through before.

Really.

Padma is the kind of person who makes her decisions deliberately, and chooses that option which she will not regret, ever.

After all regret is a feeling she just cannot stand, for she has seen what it can do to people in and out for more than seven years, and is still seeing it every time she returns from Hogwarts for the holidays.

Because, you know, Paridhi…

…

Well, of course you do _not_ know. And really, who does? Except for some of the old Indian pureblood families – nobody. So, I might have to explain a few things here for you to understand. Because if you do not, you will never be able to comprehend the way Padma feels for flying. And falling.

Thus, back to Paridhi.

A beautiful woman with soft Indian features so similar to Padma and Parvati’s… at least that she had been, once, however, Padma only remembers when looking at old photographs. Pictures which show her elder sister happy and smiling. Pictures which were taken in the time before Paridhi had returned from Durmstrang, filled with love to a classmate of hers – beautiful, headstrong, and from a dark family. She had married him none the less, and everyone had been happy for her. You would have been, too, despite trying to negate it now. The love she felt for him was almost palpable, and he loved her back. And so what if he was from a dark family? After all there was peace in India, and Russia, so why worry?

They had two lovely children, twin daughters – just a few months younger than Padma and Parvati: Parul and Panna. Sweet girls, really, I still remember seeing them play with their only slightly older aunts. And I wish you could have seen it too! Because everything had been perfect then.

Just that peace in Russia had been in the past very suddenly, and very violently.

And then everything had changed.

Like most wizarding wars, the dark families followed one of their own, leading them against the light families, who also chose someone to fight for. Like most times, the war was made up of several smaller skirmishes, lots of political idiocy, and a final battle. Like most of these wars no other country than Russia was involved, and like most times the dark families were expected to die for their leader and what appeared to be betrayal was punished much harder than justifiable. Now, I am sure you know all this, however, it is important that you remember it.

Because Paridhi’s husband had wanted to return to his family, to fight with them, for the dark families, as he was supposed to be. She had talked him out of it, however, claiming that he would not have to do what he did not _want_ do, that they would be safe in India. That the children would be safe.

I am afraid she could not have been any more wrong.

His family had come for them in the night, avenging on who they thought had betrayed their family and collaborated with the enemy. They had tortured the barely four years old girls and their parents and when help had finally come… Paridhi had been the only one to survive. Her husband had already been dead, Parul had not lived through treatment and Panna… I remember that she had to be relieved from her agony in the end.

Maybe you can imagine what that meant for Paridhi.

She never forgave herself for that, for having made an egoistical decision that had cost her her family, a decision that had brought said family an incredible amount of pain. Even if choosing differently would not have saved her husband or the girls, it would probably have spared them the torture, and Paridhi regrets having made that decision with everything she is, and once was.

So, Padma and Parvati have watched their proud, beautiful sister perishing of her regrets over the years, now only a shadow of her former self, and they are both afraid now – afraid of letting themselves go, making a decision they will regret for the rest of their lives. Afraid of falling in love.

Now mind you, the twins do not know any details, and probably never will, for Paridhi refuses talking about the subject – understandably.

They do know, however, that they never want to end up like their sister.

Thus Padma makes every decision carefully, choosing to do what will be right for her also later in her life, not only in that moment. She has a lock on her life, never letting it spin out of control. Because losing control… means not being able to make the right decisions. Losing control means falling.

Their parents having sent them to Hogwarts instead of Durmstrang, which is far closer to India, has probably been the best decision considering everything that has happened. After all, no one in England knows even the faintest bit about Paridhi, Parul and Panna…

Enough of that now, though.

I was telling you about Padma staring at the motionless form of one Alicia Spinnet, lying in one of the dozens of beds in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. Padma is unable to avert her gaze, and her head is spinning. Because the decisions dealing with Alicia are the only ones she has not really thought through before making them, unable to find one that could not leave her regretting in the end.

And as she is staring at the deathly pale face she is thinking that, maybe, with Alicia… she has to be falling. But maybe, together – they can be flying.

 

 

_Weil ich so gerne fliege ohne Fallschirm,  
Weil ich so gerne fall und nichts bereu_

 

There is a reason Padma Patil has been sorted into Ravenclaw, you know. Learning is easy for her, she is always curious to know more, to get to the base of everything… and she knows how to use her knowledge.

Languages, for example, have always been one of her greatest strengths.

The family had spoken Indian at home, Russian when with Paridhi, nieces and brother-in-law, English in the magical community. Magical India had been as much of a British colony as muggle India, and the language had stayed with the witches and wizards.

Latin had come rather easy to her when she had begun taken classes at the age of nine, as most pureblood wizards do, and afterwards French, which is the language of the British purebloods, had been a given.

Out of boredom – all her homework already done – she had taken up studying German during the holidays after her first year at Hogwarts, and had continued with Spanish and Italian after fourth year.

Speaking so many languages is not rare for Ravenclaws, as most of them know French and Latin already when they come to Hogwarts, and those who do not learn the latter within the first few months. Why, you are asking? Well, for better understanding of the spells and hexes, which are mostly Latin, of course! And the ravens’ thirst for knowledge often drives them to learn more and more languages, for the more you know – the more books are accessible to you. It is not at all uncommon to hear conversations in different tongues in the common room, just for practice.

Ahh, it looks as if I have digressed yet again. What did I want to tell you about? Oh, yes.

Padma.

Padma, who is staring at the Quidditch pitch, cheering together with her housemates, as Ravenclaw battles Gryffindor. And there is that German song that just will not leave her head while she somehow finds herself unable to take her eyes off of a certain Gryffindor chaser.

It is sung by _MIA._ , and while the rest has not even stuck to her head the first two lines of the chorus really have intrigued her.

_Weil ich so gerne fliege ohne Fallschirm,  
Weil ich so gerne fall und nichts bereu_

Because I love flying without a parachute.  
Because I love falling without regretting.

Unlike her twin sister, Padma is afraid of heights – and yet those two lines will not leave her, tempting her with pictures of a kind of freedom that cannot be found on the ground. And while she will probably never be able to enjoy flying, she cannot help but whish that she could.

And that, if she should fall – finally giving up control, for falling is nothing you choose to do – it would be without regrets.

 

Padma finally gets to know the one who will make her forego a parachute in the end at the first real meeting of Dumbledore’s Army.

While Parvati had not hesitated to sign, the Ravenclaw had thought it through at length, finally choosing to join the DA as well. It is not a decision she has made easily, no, not at all! Howeverm sometimes it is not about making a decision you are sure you will not regret, but about _not_ making the one you most definitely _will_ regret, you know?

And that is exactly why Padma had decided to defy Umbridge.

Well, anyway, I was telling you about the DA meeting.

So, maybe Padma does not realize it right away. Maybe she does not see what all of this means, or one day will mean, for her. That she is already falling, but not knowing whether she will regret that in the end, for it is not a decision she has made consciously, nor would have made willingly.

She only knows that this seventh year Gryffindor and her _lightness_ on a broom have always fascinated her, and that she wants to get to know her.

First, however, she will have to listen to Harry’s instructions.

 

Everything goes quickly from then on, really quickly, and the harder Umbridge tries to catch them, to destroy Hogwarts as they know it, the harder they are training.

Padma still finds the time to do her homework, and to read up the spells Harry and Hermione are teaching them, and to work on her Spanish and Italian, and to begin studying for her OWLs, and to watch Quidditch games, and to listen to German songs.

And the angrier, the more frustrated Umbridge gets, the prouder she is feeling. Because she knows, she has made the right decision.

No regrets.

 

“Alright,” Harry calls. “We’ll try teamwork again. Two against two – one of your team tries to disarm the attacking opponent, and the other tries to defend you. Okay, first up – Susan and Colin against Justin and Zacharias. Susan and Zacharias, you will be attacking. One – two – three!”

I am sure you have noticed that the groups are mixed – Hermione’s idea of course, did you expect anything else than her attempting to unite the houses?

In the meanwhile Padma darts Fred and George, who are – of course, what else? – wagering and then concentrates on the duel, excited to see the ideas her colleagues will come up with.

The second Harry has stopped counting Susan and Zacharias are firing an _Expelliarmus_ each towards the other, and both their partners try their luck with a _Protego_. Colin’s works, Justin’s does not.

 _That just won’t do,_ the you witch thinks and I am sure you are thinking the same, but I am also sure that you would have tried witch a shield first as well. Padma probably would have, too, but know she knows better and her Ravenclaw mind is quickly going through lots and lots of options, choosing the one she expects to work out best.

“Okay, that was good,” Harry interrupts the arising chatter. “Not very imaginative, but it’ll do, as long as you get the shield up quickly enough. However, never forget that many curses can’t be blocked with the _Protego_. You should know which aren’t if you rely on it! Anyway, nice spellwork, all of you, you just need to be a little faster, Justin. Now, next: Cho and Ron against Katie and Hannah, Cho and Katie being in defence. One – two – go!”

Ron and Hannah also try with a _Protego_ each, and Padma watches disappointed – it does work, it really does, however, she would have loved to see different attempts, just to find out whether they work or not. Both of the defenders are fast enough to pull up the shield, however, Harry immediately tells them to tear them down again and counts the attackers in for a second time, and after the third attack Cho is too slow.

The next groups also use the _Protego_ only and Padma is slowly getting impatient. She has never been a patient one, mind you, however, her twin sister is even worse.

It gets interesting again, however, when Harry calls the sixth quartet forward: “Fred and Anthony versus George and Luna. George and Anthony, you are attacking!”

I am sure you are thinking the same as me – a Weasley twin packed together with a Ravenclaw, told to fight the other. This has _got_ to be worthwhile watching.

And immediately cheers go through the room as everyone takes their place. Rolling their eyes fondly the other members of Dumbledore’s Army watch the twins discuss with Harry who of them is who, until Hermione grabs their sleeves and pulls them next to their respective partners. “I don’t care,” she says, trying to sound annoyed, but barely managing to hold her smile. “Anthony is being defended by his twin, and Luna defends hers. Now – go!”

Amidst the overall chuckles Anthony Corner and one of the redheads each send an _Expelliarmus_ towards the other group, and everyone seems to hold their breath.

The defensive moves are as amusing as interesting.

Anthony is simply being pulled out of the curse’s reach by _his_ Weasley twin, whereas Luna dreamily mutters _Tantellagra_ and hits the red ray buzzing towards _her_ twin with her own, the impulse changing its course.

Harry claps. “Great, we’ve finally got something new here – go on! One – two – three!”

This time Anthony is hit, because his redhead misestimates. Luna, however, successfully diverts the curse once again, this time using a _Stupefy_ , the _Expelliarmus_ flying into a completely different direction than before. Padma watches interestedly, head cocked, mind already going over the reasons for that.

She does not notice the dark eyes watching her as she chews her bottom lip, however, I do.

“Well done,” the boy who lived smiles and interrupts Padma’s thoughts. “As you can see, stepping out of the way, or pulling your partner out of the way, is always an option – especially if you don’t know a shield or counter spell. However, the closer you’re standing together, the less time to evade the curse. Please always remember that.”

“As for Luna’s method,” Hermione smoothly takes over, “it is very effective, yet, not as easy as it looks. You need to know a lot about both spells – the one you are using, and the one you’re wishing to deflect. Namely: Speed, impulse and polarity. Those three factors determine what will happen if two spells collide, and you shouldn’t forget that the place in which they meet also matters. After all, you want the curse to be diverted far enough away from you.”

Padma listens curiously, knowing about the effects colliding spells have on each other, but never having thought about using them in a duel. After all, it is most important to know the polarity of each spell, thus the method will not work if you are attacked with curses you do not know, or do not recognize it fast enough. (Spells with the same polarity repel each other upon collision, those with opposed polarity will combine, and some may even explode, if you want to know.)

“Next: Michael and Ginny against Alicia and Padma! Michael and Alicia are in attack,” Harry announces then and with her heart suddenly beating far faster than usual Padma walks to stand next to the Gryffindor.

The tanned girl smiles at her. “Got an idea?” she whispers, clearly excited.

Padma cannot help but smile. “I think so,” she answers. “Can’t promise that it’ll work, though.”

“Ahh, as long as you don’t go with a _Protego_ everything is fine,” the older witch grins.

“I won’t,” Padma chuckles and, although no one sees it – but I know! – blushes a little.

“Great! Now, just be careful, I’m sure Ginny also came up with something rather unexpected.”

“One – two – three!” Harry calls, interrupting their conversation and immediately two _Expelliarmus_ are speeding across the room, Alicia’s face going from casual to concentrated without any warning.

“ _Accio_ chair,” Padma hears Ginny yell and for a moment thinks that the red-head has had the same idea as her, but then she realizes the second word and sees the piece of furniture speed towards the young Gryffindor. It is not fast enough, however, and the disarming spell hits Michael – almost in the same second as Alicia is hit by the other one.

For the split of a second Padma takes in her partner’s shocked face, but she has no time to dwell on it, for it is the exact moment she yells her own spell – “ _Accio_ wands!”

And two wands, Michael’s and Alicia’s, come sailing into her hand while she thinks _you will not regret having trusted me to save you_.

Then she is torn from her thoughts by clapping, and Alicia is beaming at her, and the twins are shouting, exchanging money, and suddenly the noise is back.

“Well done,” Harry praises while Padma returns the wands to their owners, “both of you. This was very interesting, since you both used the same spell in a different way. Ginny’s approach is very effective, but, as you saw, may not come fast enough. Padma was lucky that she managed to get hold of Michael’s wand as well, however, it doesn’t matter if that won’t work every time – after all she had her partner’s wand, could give it back to her, and both of them were still able to fight. Now, who’s next? Marietta and me, versus Neville and Terry. Terry, the two of us are attacking. Hermione, will you count us in, please?”

Padma steps back into the circle surrounding the fighters, and it just so happens that Alicia ends up next to her. (Well, it does not _just so happen_ , however, that is only for you, me and Alicia to know.)

With a fluttering heart she watches as Marietta pulls up a shield charm and Neville, insecurity written clearly in his face, also tries to, but fails. She could not care less, however, for Alicia is standing a little too close to her, eyes sparkling with excitement, and giving the younger girl a smile every so often.

And as the evening passes with lots of light conversation (small talk, as you will probably say, but light conversation _does_ sound better), a few jokes and the two of them partnering for the rest of the training Padma knows that she has made the right decision with joining the DA. Not because of defying Umbridge, not because of learning how to defend herself, but because of making friends with students from other houses and finally getting to know the girl she has unconsciously been admiring for so long already.

 

And if they happen to sit at the same table in the library quite often?

And if they happen to meet in the corridors more often than really likely, always taking the time to exchange a few words?

And if they happen to spend an afternoon in the Three Broomsticks, talking about nothing and everything?

So what?

They are happy. And Padma does not regret a thing.

Not yet, anyway.

 

When one of the meetings of Dumbledore’s Army is busted by Umbridge and her Inquisitorial Squad, however, everything changes.

Because suddenly seeing Alicia cannot be taken for granted any longer, and suddenly Padma has to deal with the way her heart is racing when she only even _thinks_ about the Gryffindor chaser, and the way it hurts when the older girl ignores her in the corridors, like all DA members suddenly are, and the way she wishes nothing more than to be with the tanned witch. Even just sitting next to her would be enough, and while she is bursting with shame that it has been a student of her own house who has betrayed them… she misses Alicia so much that everything else ceases to matter, that she is falling with no one there to catch her.

And she regrets not having gone with a simple _Protego_ all those weeks before, she regrets meeting with Alicia in Hogsmeade, she regrets having let herself go like that… because now so much has spun out of control, and so many choices are not hers to make any longer.

And when she is falling she is not doing to without regrets.

Oh, how much does she wish she could fly!

 

The last Quidditch game of the season is Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff, and without Harry as their seeker the lions are not standing a chance.

Still Padma is cheering for them, and when she leaves the stands she feels empty. Empty after having seen the disappointment on Alicia’s face, after all it has been her last year at Hogwarts. Her last chance to win the Quidditch cup again.

And maybe Padma thinks that she could cheer the chaser up, maybe that is why she waits behind the changing cubicles… And maybe it is because she just once to see her, talk to her again, one last time, now that the year is almost over. (You and I know that the latter is the real reason, however, Padma is still telling herself that it is not. So we should let her.)

And when Alicia exits the cubicle, along with Katie and Angelina, all of them disappointed and angry… she opens her mouth, wanting to say something, but in the end she just walks past them, as if she had been on her way into the opposite direction.

What she has not expected is to feel a soft hand on her shoulder, making her turn around, and dark eyes sparkling.

“Padma,” Alicia says, smiling. “Why are you running?”

“I…” she was planning to say I’m not, however, she does not want to lie to the girl she considers a friend (and would love to be so much more), so she just averts her gaze.

But then there are fingers underneath her chin, raising it, and a hand tugging at her scarlet scarf.

So she raises her head and suddenly finds that Alicia has come _very_ close in the meantime, and somehow she forgets to breath as a soft voice reaches her ears. “Red suits you lovely. And I do feel quite honoured that you are wearing the colours of _my_ house during a Quidditch game.”

And then, without a warning, Alicia’s lips are on Padma’s and while she can breathe again, now, she has forgotten how to think.

It does not matter though, for Alicia’s lips are soft and warm and so very gentle, and there is a hand pulling her hip closer, the other one still cupping her face. So, for the first time in her life, Padma does not think about what she is doing, just lets herself drown in the moment, burying her hands in the dark locks and wishing never to let go.

Because surely they must be flying now, and she is afraid of heights. So, she has got to hold on.

And somewhere, deep down, she prays that she will not regret that moment. _Ever_.

 

Padma has never believed in long-distance relationships. (Because, be honest – have you?)

And for countless times she has believed she has made the wrong decision, falling free and regretting – however, Alicia has been there every time, catching her and convincing her that there is nothing to be afraid of. That they are flying, not falling, and who else would you believe and trust but the new reserve chaser of the Ballycastle Bats when it comes to flying?

 

Somehow, Alicia always manages to visit. They see each other all the time during the summer holidays, pretending to be nothing but friends (although I know that her family found out the second day, however, they never said anything, not wanting to make her uncomfortable), and the older witch is present at every Hogsmeade Weekend, while they are writing hundreds of letters.

If she does not has time, she makes it.

And Padma knows, she is long too lost to ever turn back, too far in to be caught should she fall.

However, she does not.

Fall, I mean.

For Alicia does not let go of her once. They spend the entire holidays after sixth year with each other, keeping Padma from taking up Japanese, and the young Ravenclaw is sure – this is the best summer of her life. Because, no matter what will be, she loves Alicia, and is being loved back.

No regrets.

Not even when Alicia blindfolds her, pulls the younger girl’s arms around her waist, and takes off, speeding towards the sky on her new broom. Because it is Alicia, and Padma trusts her. Even without a parachute.

 

Then she returns to Hogwarts for her seventh year and everything changes.

Suddenly there are no more Hogsmeade Weekends, and no more romantic letters.

There is just darkness and fear and punishment.

And no control.

 

And Padma hates herself for being unable to make her own decisions. For having to regret.

 

Then Harry, Ron and Hermione return, and Voldemort attacks the castle, and all hell breaks loose.

Padma had re-joined the DA through the year, trying to resist along with her twin and so many others, and when she steps into the Great Hall, seeing the graduates joining them – she thinks her heart stops.

Because Alicia is there, just next to Fred and George, and Padma does not know whether to be relieved to see that her love is alive, having not heard from her for a long time, or panicking that she is endangering herself like that.

She does not have much time to think about that, however, for suddenly they are fighting, and first there is no control at all, there are no choices, only the desperate need to survive, but then she finds Alicia amongst the others and while they do not have the time to share an embrace, or even a kiss, they are fighting back to back now, and slowly Padma is reclaiming control. Her ability to choose what to do, whom to attack, which curse to use.

Then, however, something happens that makes everything spin out of control again:

Alicia is hit.

 

Later Padma is unable to recall any details of the rest of the battle or the time she had spent sitting next to her love’s improvised sickbed in the Great Hall, praying for her to make it through until the healers come. Everything is a blur, spinning around the fact that she has to protect Alicia, at all costs.

She watches Harry being carried into the hall by Hagrid, and the boy who lived again defeat you-know-who.

She watches as the healers finally come, one of them running a diagnostic spell, checking the improvised bandage she has tried to apply, and then carrying Alicia away, calling for a few potions.

She watches as the dead are being carried off.

All the time unable to choose the course of events, to do what would protect her from regretting. Because she is regretting so much at that moment – everything she has done that could have led to Alicia’s injuries, one way or the other.

And as she is waiting for news concerning Alicia she thinks there is no parachute left in the world that could safe her now. Well, I know better.

 

And really, a few hours later the world is slowly starting to revolve back to normal, as she is staring at her love’s still form in the small white bed in the Hospital Wing, amongst all the other wounded.

“She will make it,” Madam Pomfrey had said. “We just have to wait for her to wake up.”

So Padma chooses to conjure herself a chair and sit down in the narrow space next to the bed, taking Alicia’s hand into hers. It is the first time that she realizes there is nothing to regret – not when it comes to Alicia, who is pale and unconscious, but so beautifully alive. She may not have thought her choices through, but she still has made the right ones.

Which is why you can now see her leaning back in the chair, finally relaxing, as a small smile makes it to her lips.

And you surely are as happy as I am when you realize that Alicia’s dark cheeks are no longer as pale as before, and that her eyelids are fluttering. Maybe you are looking away when the two witches kiss, tenderly, however, I do not. And I also hear Padma’s words, whispered against soft lips:

“With you, I’m flying. And with you, I don’t need a safety net. I don’t need a parachute. And if we should fall together, there would be nothing to regret.”

And maybe you think it cheesy, but you do not know that Padma has told Alicia everything about the song, and that she is finally committing to be in a full, telling-the-world, probably-marry-one-day, nothing-to-regret relationship. But I do, and now you know too.

So all that is left for us is to wish them all the luck in the world, and maybe we should leave them alone as well.

And if you listen closely… you can hear Padma sing.

 

Weil ich so gerne fliege ohne Fallschirm.


End file.
